That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
