If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
