u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
