we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
