I'm going to rape someone's good day.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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