she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
