I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Randomize
