I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
