i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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