Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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