Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
After last night, I could never be a politician.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
