i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
