their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Hippo gnu deer
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
