his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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