He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
how drunk are you?
Several
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
