Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Randomize
