she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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