can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
