Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
