using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
