Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
