I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
