If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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