He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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