When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
