Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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