my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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