You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
