Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
