They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
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