She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
