Already got asked if we're dating
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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