I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Randomize
