So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Randomize
