hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
