Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
wow bdsm is so cute
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
