the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
