Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
