If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
