think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
