His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
