i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
