this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
