She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
