its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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