Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud š³
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying āFUCK YOUā to all my spam emails. Canāt tell you how excited I am
Hahah Iāve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
