Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
