Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
