drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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