then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
